I play dead...and the hurting stops' Journal [entries|friends|calendar] I play dead...and the hurting stops [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Wow [06 Dec 2004|01:48am] [ mood | confused ] [ music | Morrissey ] I havn't been on here in, it seems years. But for some weird reason I feel like writing in here today. Not like anyone reads it, but its just for me. So where do I start... My life has changed again, very much so, since the last time I wrote in here. I'm not near as happy as I used to be. Before I thought I was actually going somewhere with the things I do, say, think. But now it seems that I'm stuck in the middle of something, but I don't know what. That was a weird statement. I wish things would be how they used to be a year ago. Cuz now it seems that everything I care about, turns out wrong in the end, or is left unfinished. Anyways... I'm going job hunting tomorrow. Hopefully I'll get somewhere with that. I need to go back to school. It'll give me something to do, and I'll meet new people again. I really wanna go to the Pixies show. That would be crazy. I heard that Bjork is coming soon, not sure when or where yet though. But if so, I'll give anything to go. I guess thats it for now. I should write in here more often. haha {{3 :: Join the carnival }}

[09 Jul 2004|06:16pm] [ mood | weird ] [ music | Bright Eyes ] Last night I went to Steph's then went to the mall with Ivan and Kat. Ivan kept flirting with me and made me feel uncomfortable. He was a non-stop heterophobe. Then we left and went back to Kat's. She has the craziest dance game. Then I left and went to meet up with Eliane, Brian and Laura and went to Shooterz. It was good. I hadn't been there in forever. I missed it. Then for some reason I agreed to leave and went to P.B. Today at work they bought us Chili's for lunch which was soooo good. Lately I've been in a depressed mood, for no reason. It's probably that time of the month. I feel like I need constant drugs to live, or I'll shribble up and die. I feel like going to sleep for a month, or better yet, rolling balls at some crazy rave for a month. Inside I feel like something is missing, but I don't know what. I also get these weird feelings of not liking the way my life has gone. I wish I could be a child again, and redue my life. I would've made smarter choices. I need alcohol {{2 :: Join the carnival }}

[28 Jun 2004|07:10pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | NIN - Suck/Starfuckers inc. ] Last week I hung out with Ivan and company. Met some new people, witnessed a bum (verbal) fight, and saw Ivan's new residency at Steph's house. On Friday I got my staples taken out of my skull, and it kinda felt like bee stings. I hung out with my girlfriend (Downunder Dez) all weekend and we drank at some church for a little bit then went back to her place to have relations in the laundry room. Then we watched Underworld...but I woke up at 5:00ish only to remember the very beginning of the film. Yesturday I helped my dad change the drum heads which were cracked. We also cleaned up most of the kit and will finish next weekend. At work today I did NOTHING. Actually, I went to Seaport Village to have a rather large pizza pie and a 32oz. Bud with Marty and Erica. I was told my boss will not be coming in all week for some reason, which translates to fuck around, print shirts, come in late, and have extremely long lunches. Tonight I wanna go to Lou's records and purchase a ton of crap, and then I'm going to D.D.'s house. Tomorrow I plan to sleep in...As usual. I should get fired. I should be ashamed of my lifestyle. {{4 :: Join the carnival }}

VEGAS!!! [16 Jun 2004|04:52pm] [ mood | lazy ] [ music | Sensual Pigeon CD ] I went to Vegas this past weekend and had fun. Even though there's bad news (I'll tell you later), I still had a great time. We checked in at the Treasure Island, and filled the bathtub full with 5 18 packs of booze. We just drank the night away and walked around Vegas doing things waiting for Saturday night, cuz my friend turned 21 at midnight. Some of us gambled and others just went out to have fun. Brian and his girlfriend kept ditching us to go on their own, and what sucks was his girlfriend ditched her friend to be with brian the whole time. I felt bad for her. But whatever. Jerry Seinfeld was on stage at Ceaser's Palace, and we were sooo gonna go, but we just decided to wait til he comes to S.D. next month. I'll kill to go. He's the funniest mother lover alive. Well, his show is at least. He's aiiight. So we ate at Chipotle, and I got this beef stuff, rice, cheese, guac, and beans wrapped in this large flour blanket. It was delicious. I also ate at a Sonic Burger for the first time. It was good. SOOO...Sunday night, my life flashed before my eyes. I got into a fight with my (EX) friend and I was turning around to get another beer, and I felt a mug getting smashed behind my head. I turned around and called him him a pussy. And told him that I should kill him, but my head was literally squirting blood all over. (I took pictures of me, my head, the hospital floor with the pool of blood and the chair with the bloody headrest) I'll post them when they get developed. I got something like 10 or so staples in my head. I've never been such a bloody mess before in my life, except for when I almost cut my finger all the way off. It was insane. LUCKILY...I have the best girlfriend in the world. She took me in and took care of me cuz I was on pills. I slept there and ate there, and basically lived there from monday til today, and I'll go back this weekend. We just watched movies and "layed" together all day monday, yesturday, and today. She's the best. Other than all this, my life sucks. Actually now it doesn't, cuz I have someone that makes me feel wanted. Now I have something to look forward to everyday. {{4 :: Join the carnival }}

[02 Jun 2004|07:56pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | The Early November - Sunday Drive ] Today was same old same old. I'm sick of this bullshit. I wanna quit my job, and get a life again. Well, today my friend martin came in for an app. and my boss said he'll get hired. So, that should be interesting. We'll probably bring the place down or something. I'm goin to vegas on the 10th, and I WILL go crazy. I'm not even gonna think, I'm just gonna do. I need this vacation. {{5 :: Join the carnival }}

[28 May 2004|04:21am] [ mood | high ] Wow, it's been a while. Like it matters though. My life has changed dramatically in the past month or so. My job is kinda getting better. One 0f my supervisors got fired, so it's a lot better. Tomorrow morning, I drive to L.A. for some work related thing. Tonight was kinda insane. I wanted to go to Shooterz tonight, but ended up drinking and smoking at some house. Everyone got roudy. This chick kept tryin to kiss me or something, she wouldn't leave me alone. She was kinda hid-A-ous. And I told her to smoke cuz she was all drunk, and she started puking. Haha, it was good. I had to sit next to her on the way home, and she was all crying and shit. I was all scared to get yaked on. Yesturday I went to SeaPort Village with a friend during work hours and got food and beer. I literally got paid to have fun. It was so good. Then later on in the night, I met up with some old friends from high school. I miss those people. I don't miss the drama though. But it was cool. I saw HepCat and Buck O Nine the other night. My friend smuggled his pipe in, and we smoked and had a blast. HepCat was actually really good. I really liked them. I'm getting a haircut on Saturday, cuz I'm shabby. Jesus Christ, I don't know what else to say. I need to get out more. {{2 :: Join the carnival }}

[13 Apr 2004|05:56pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | Thrice - Where Idols Once Stood ] I hate it when I'm doin something at work, and a "supervisor" comes and asks me what I'm doin. I'll just be looking for something (that I actually have to find, not just wasting time) and someone comes by and goes, "what are you doing"? It fucking pisses me off. It makes me wanna kill myself. And on top of all that, my supervisor is a close-talker. (In case you don't know, a close-talker is someone that speaks to you literally less than a foot away from your face.) I can't stand people anymore. {{5 :: Join the carnival }}

[27 Mar 2004|11:30am] [ mood | excited ] [ music | Belle and Sebastian - Waiting for the moon to rise ] Thursday night I went out to Dave and Busters and had a blast. I ate a chicken caesar salad with carona. So good. The pool tables were over-run by people, so we just played arcades. I didn't know that drinking and playing racecar arcade games was this fun. The music was great. They have TV's to show the video of the song playing, and they had a Ladytron video. Mira is Gorgeous. They also had a Paul Van Dyk and Pure Shores video. Everyone wanted to leave and go to this Longboard place cuz my friend Benji's EX girl was singing in some band. So we drove there, and picked up a couple more 24's and drank them in some ally. I was urinating on some fence and this guy yelled out to me. I had to cut it a little short, it sucked. So we got in and Audrey was already singing and it sounded really good as a matter of fact. I met some new people, had some more Dos Equis, and enjoyed the soothing sounds of Audrey's band. Last night I went down to O.B. more specifically, Gary and DJ's house. There were these girls there that were literally plastered. One of them was like " I never puke ". It couldn't have been more than 40 minutes later, she was hugging porcelain. Then she went back and layed on the futon while her friend Erin was talking about masturbating to a Victoria's Secret model. I was speechless. Then I hear this " I think I'm gonna puke some more ". So I ran to the kitchen to get the trashcan, but I was too late. It seems like the alcohol took its toll that night. It was all over the futon and floor. Being the nice guy that I am, I helped her puke in a can by holding her hair. Gary and Bobby kept yellin, "take her outside". Jesus Christ, she's a human being not some puppy. But her friends took her out and left her on the porch. Then Brian walks in and goes "why is there some chick layin on the ground with shit all over her face" I had to laugh. So we drank more and more, and then went to a party at my friend Kenny's house. We all walked there. We were being so loud and it was like 2 in the morning. I felt bad. But oh well. We ended the night at Santana's (a mexican food joint) and I shoved my face full of burrito. Today I will go to my friend Keith's shop (Speed Force Racing) and give him my crank (which I got a damn good deal on, my Crower Rods, ARP headstuds, and all misc. bolts/nuts. The rebuild will start today, and I'm finally excited that my car will be brought back from the dead in the matter of weeks. After building the motor, I'm gonna design my turbo setup...piping, flanges, manifold, front mount etc. I better get goin. Tootles. Join the carnival }}

[22 Mar 2004|01:07am] [ mood | cranky ] I just got back from watching Dawn of the Dead. It was pretty good, yet dissapointing. We drank before the show, and smuggled bottles into the theatre. It was pretty fun. It's all quiet, and then all you hear is pssss. We were kinda getting loud too, I feel bad. We're assholes. I like movies. Especially horror flicks. I got a haircut like 2 days ago. At least I got rid of the shaggy locks. I also bought my ticket to a perfect circle and the mars volta. It's gonna be so good. My life is boring, and I don't know why I even write in this thing. {{4 :: Join the carnival }}

[11 Mar 2004|06:02pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | Ladytron ] Last night I went to MetalShop. They cover 80's metal bands such as, motley crue, skid row, poison, etc. I was just informed that my zeromancer zzyzx cd has arrived! I'll pick it up tonight. Also tonight...Klub 80's! North Park. It should be swell. {{2 :: Join the carnival }}

[07 Mar 2004|11:56pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Leather Strip - The Carnival Is Over (Dead Can Dance cover) ] I had lots of fun tonight. I went out on a double date type of thing. We ate at Casa De Pico in Old Town, and had some margaritas. It was our margarita night. I ordered cheese enchaladas with rice and beans, and a cheese quesadilla on the side. It was such a lovely meal. Then we went back to my friend Bryan's house and drank more and watched Party Monster. I'm goin to bed early tonight, for once in my life. This whole weekend, I didn't really get a chance to rest. I couldn't sleep on friday cuz of an uncomfortable, yet pleasant situation. And I got like 4 hours of sleep on Saturday. I find myself some-what sluggish these days due to lack of sleep. And I've decided to crack down on drinking. It takes my money, and makes me depressed and slow all the time. I'm starting to excercise more too. I will skate at least 3 times a week and will start running 2 times a week. I know it's gay, but I need to do this. I'm off to bed now. {{2 :: Join the carnival }}

[05 Mar 2004|02:05am] [ mood | drunk ] [ music | Dead Or Alive ] I just got back from Klub 80's. It was so good. They played all the goods. The hottest fucking girl was there. Oh my god. Unfortunatly, I have work at 8:00am, so now I'm off to bed. {{2 :: Join the carnival }}

Wow [04 Mar 2004|05:37pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | Skinny Puppy - Death ] Today, I cheated death. I was in the company truck goin on an on-ramp to the highway, and this large 18-wheeler truck merges over into my lane, either without looking, or he just couldn't see me. he kept merging closer and closer and I couldn't slow down, or speed up fast enough so I went to the emergency lane, but the problem there was we were goin over a bridge and the emergency lane ended. There was just a guardrail and then a huge drop. I was getting sandwhiched. I could have fucking sworn that it's tires hit the side of my truck on the left, and the guardrail side swiped the right side, but I slowed down and downshifted into 3rd (for the fastest possible stop) and luckily made it out alive and the truck had zero scratches on it. I then sped up, honked, and gave him the finger. I usually don't get roadrage, and it's not permitted in the company truck, for fear of callers calling in and complaining about my driving. But I almost died cuz of this asshole, so all rules went out the window. When I got back, my heart was thumping like mad, and I was kinda shaking. I told everyone and they just laughed. Then they sent me on another delivery. Screw this world. {{1 :: Join the carnival }}

[27 Feb 2004|06:04pm] [ mood | relieved ] [ music | Bright Eyes - Lover I Don't Have To Love ] T.G.I.F!!! BEER, BEER, BEER!!! {{1 :: Join the carnival }}

[26 Feb 2004|05:41pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | Disciples of Astaroth - The Ubiquitous Mr. Lovegrove ] Today at work, for lunch, we went to this crazy chinese all-you-can-eat buffet place. I ate so much, and literally almost puked. I ate like 3 plates full of shit. I was just stackin everything in sight on a plate. I'm large. My battery on my cellphone dies every like, 10 minutes, then I charge it for about an hour, and I'm finally fed up. Last night for the first time I went to go buy a new battery, then got kinda lazy. Today all I thought about was a new battery...when it occured to me that my sister has a cellphone which is now not in use. So I just got a new battery for free!!! Yah. Tonight I think I'm goin to cut this knob off a handrail with a couple buddies, don't ask me why. I reallize it's a random as hell thing to do, but it has to be done. We've gone back and forth for about a month now, with wrong tools, rainstorms, and cops chasing us. But tonight...it comes off. I guess that's pretty much it for now. Seeya. {{1 :: Join the carnival }}

[22 Feb 2004|02:12pm] [ mood | relaxed ] [ music | The Postal Service - the whole album ] Hello people. I havn't updated in a while, and no one cares. I've made the decision of not moving out for another 3-5 months, because of financial reasons. I need to save up to fix my car, I drink every night, I want to go to the Perfect Circle/Mars Volta show, and I'm GOING to Coachella, both days. Everyone should go!!! A lot of bands I like will be there, such as: The Cure, Radiohead, The Pixies, Bright Eyes, Belle and Sebastian, Thursday, DCFC, Sparta, Stereolab, Muse, Le Tigre, Paul Van Dyk, Heiro, etc. So, I hate my job now. I can't stand it, and I will quit sometime soon. Probably just in time for next semester. Yup, I'm goin back to school. I kinda wanna start over and fix my life better, but then again, what's the point. I think I want too much, and I expect too much in life. And I sometimes find myself thinking, if life isn't perfect, then what's the point of living. I'll stop with all that sap about problems now. I now have a stronger commitment to High Life (beer). Every time I drink, it's High Life. Except at a bar or something. But I think everyone should drink it. At least try it. I'm kinda getting sick of my lifestyle, and I need someone I can live life with, without problems, and fake charades. It seems like now-a-days, I can only depend on music, beer, and wishful thinking. I think I'm gonna update more often. That's all for now. Buh-bye. {{9 :: Join the carnival }}

YEEEEEEEES!!! [03 Feb 2004|01:30am] [ mood | giddy ] [ music | Canibus - Poet Laureate 2 ] Tonight is so good. I went to a friend's house and got free Carona. Then went to Denny's in Point Loma and I asked if the hot chocolate was free refills (Cuz it is at Carrows) and the girl said no, but it is for you tonight. I felt so loved. Then on the way home, we saw some truck goin like 80 in the rain, and just went over like 3 lanes and flipped over a fence and off this mini-cliff thingy. I was like "Jesus Christ...YES". We asked him if he was ok, and he was all drunk and kept sayin, just flip the truck back over bro. He was kinda an asshole, and I got all muddy cuz of the dirt/trees/fucking rain. I hate rain, and I hate people that don't appreciate things in life. But anyways, tonight was definetly worth mentioning. I guess you had to be there. {{5 :: Join the carnival }}

[29 Jan 2004|12:27am] [ mood | drunk ] [ music | Pulp - Common People ] I wish I could be drunk 24/7. I think I'm a better person when I drink. A lot of people tell me I open up when I'm drunk. I hate thinking about things that make me sad too. And drinking takes care of that. Right now, I kinda wish I could just steal myself a car, drive it at a crazy speed straight over the cliff into the sea, and then maybe I'll be happy. If that was guaranteed, I'd do it today, right now. I'm not suicidal, I just hate living life the same over and over again. I need change people. {{1 :: Join the carnival }}

FUN !!! [24 Jan 2004|01:08pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | Coheed and Cambria - Time Consumer ] So I went to Shooterz on Thursday night and it was soooo good. It was 80's/Brit Rock night. On weekends it's Industrial/Hardcore nights. There's like 3 bars, 6 pool-tables and a crazy, foggy, dancefloor. They played music such as Depeche Mode, The Cure, Dead Or Alive, The Pet Shop Boys, Pulp, and much more. It's gonna become a habit. Every Thursday night, I'm goin. Last night I went to my friends house and played some drinking game where you have to be kinda quick, or you lose and have to drink this cup full of shit. After a little while I started getting slow, and losing every time. Girls were beating me. I was embarassed yet drunk. Tonight my friend's band, Gluttony, is playing at the Che. I wanna go, BUT... Coheed and Cambria is playin tonight. I'm listening to Coheed songs over and over right now, preparing for tonight. I know, I'm gay. Maybe I can go to both? I don't know. Either way, there should be crazy parties tonight. ...That is all. {{3 :: Join the carnival }}

I need to update more often [21 Jan 2004|05:43pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Zeromancer - Famous Last Words ] I havn't wrote in here in a while, so I decided to today. Last night I went drinkin with a couple girlfriends, and then went to my friends' friend's house (did that make sense) and she had some 6 pack of Carona that she didn't want. I gladly accepted the invitation to drink them. We're suppost to go to this "Emo/Goth" club on Thursday night, cuz they play Depeche Mode and the Cure. I can't wait. I have a new game called Need For Speed Underground for my PS2 and I'm hooked. It's my new drug. I need a haircut, and I wanna pierce my lip. That's pretty much all the news folks. {{2 :: Join the carnival }}

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